News Index: Mike's Corner   <<  Page 2 of 6  >>  May 08, 2009 Is it back? For about a year I really didn't feel like myself. I'm usually a nasty prick that only cares about my family feelings. But I think I'm back. The other day my daughter pulled a stunt to get attention from my wife. When it got to her boyfriends mother she came over and said maybe it would be safer if my daughter stayed with them for a while. Well I let loose on this ignorant bitch. I said "Who the fuck are you to come into my house and say that shit? Maybe your half a fag ex husband took it but that shit won't fly here. Take your fat ass out of my house". So I think I'm back. At least I make me laugh and with any luck I'll start making you guys laugh again. I can walk again, seems like my ankle has healed so I'm gonna go out and generate some material. Maybe I'll even run over I mean run into that sissy Jay Wayne. A guy with BB balls is always good for a laugh. I'll be back to writing stuff in a few days but I feel that little dark place in my head churning again. So we might start having fun again.  May 04, 2009 You will become your parents and that's the fun part If your 40-50 you know what I mean if your a youngster in their 20's boy do you got a fucking payback coming. Let me lay out this nightmare for you. You crack 45 every thing you bumped, bruised or burned is now a fucking major ordeal. Basically your waiting for your first heart attack. I had mine at 40 that they still talk about in the ER. I woke up 4 days later and was paralyzed for almost a year. So you go on a rabbit food diet and then it begins. My father has passed so it's only my Mom left. I try to be a good son. I call, send money try to remember dates but there is a reason my memory is in the shithouse. Every phone call with my mother is the same. 3 sentences then we relive the past from the point when my Dad's swim team made it all the way to yesterday. My Mother knows I don't like my Brother or any of her family. I make a black sheep look light gray. I just don't like them. I mean it's been 12 years I've lived in Costa Rica and evidently everybody's dick is broke because not one call. So unless they're calling to do yardwork I'll pass on the lovefest reunion. I have reached out to my brother a few times but honestly If I want to fill a 600 gallon tank on my fishing boat I'd rather be alone. Once I called my Aunt and she didn't believe it was me. So I hung up. I have one cousin that works for a defense contractor supposedly coding something to protect the country and this fat brainless fool asked me what he should use for an SSH client. Hey pal this decision should have been made oh 20 years ago. I feel much safer being 1300 miles south of Miami already. What's your next big decision get a firewall or use shareware? God save us all. Then I have a religious nut,two fruits and nuts and a couple regressing back to childhood. It's all pretty pathetic. Some are OK but they are in the minority. So I hear how they are all Saints and of course my eyes see it a little different. Boom I'm instantly shit on a stick. He but I was shit on a stick yesterday can I be a dickhead or something else? But hey it's your Mom you're never gonna change the altered history. You are now living payback. Ya throw down 3 6mg Bromazapam with a shooter back and try to recover. So this is life at 45. If your lucky you'll have a great wife and daughter like I do and they help ya make it thru the day. Otherwise I'd be at Denny's everyday eating a chicken fried steak,2 over easy,2 biscuits with white sausage gravy and see if I can qualify for the cholesterol Olympics. But this is your Karma man with any luck a brick will fall on your head or you can take a BASE jump with no shoot. Hey parachutes are for buttmunchers and people with no insurance. Well my Mom's WebTV finally puked so she can't read this or I would have to be stuck in a bad episode of Quantum Leap for the rest of my life.Jesus that was better than one of those dumps where you swear your ass is gonna split just before it hits the water with the sweet sound of relief.And to think I thought those first 20 years were just harmless fun. Where's that shitty end of the stick Ma? Ya know that one is mine.  April 28, 2009 Phone call fom a new friend Today I got a strange well not so much strange but unexpected. I got a call from my friend John Slifer's son Alex. Seems Alex found me right here on Chatro and decided to call. He is the only one of 5 sons that has reached out to me since John's passing. So I spend close to an hour talking to Alex about his Dad and some of our wacky exploits. Alex was more mature about his fathers history than his dickhead brother that wanted to sugar coat it and put it in a closet somewhere. Turns our that Alex will be shipping out to the Marine Corps. this year. The kid has some balls. If I knew what I know now I would have been in line for that Air Farce recruiter faster than shit. But like John's son I was attracted to the Marines. I hope the kid stays in touch. He promised to call before he ships out. I'll give him some last minute tips and a pep talk. I think John would be happy we got in touch and will at least stay in touch through his tour. I forgot to ask but I think Alex would like to see where his Dad spent the last few years of his life. Maybe I can fly him in and we can spend some time talking in the places I used to with his Dad.  April 23, 2009 Cry'in like a hooker with a bounced check Jesus I hurt so bad. I got out of bed the other morning and in some slip and fall stunt that looks like I should have been doing it on Icecapades I crushed my ankle and hyper extended my knee. The god part is it was my bad leg but the bad part is it was my bad leg. When I hit the floor my ankle sounded like my 450 lb x wife stepping on a bag of peanuts. The knee gave out the familiar Babe Ruth home run pop. My family has been begging me to go to the hospital but unless the pain gets worse I won't go. Shit I'll go in for a broken ankle and come out a one legged transsexual. Nope to much risk for me right now. I may take a week at the Arenal Volcano to soak in the hot springs to see if that helps but then I have to watch my heart. Last time I went in it felt like a 500 pound trucker was sitting on my chest bouncing up and down while farting Chinese food. So I guess I'm fucked. I hope I'm better next week. After that everything else seemed better. My friend didn't call me back about my Elvis Costello tickets so if there is anyone out there who can get back stage passes/tickets I will be glad to buy them at any insane price. I can make any of his shows in the U.S. in June and any other country after that. Call me at 866-417-2414 or 352-436-4185, I will pay anything! So any stage hands or venue guys with pull please give a busted leg, broken toilet seat a break and help me make one show. You will always have a place in Costa Rica and a permanent guide for the rest of time. Well enough begging. I hope someone calls with the Tickets/passes....Please.  April 07, 2009 Elvis Costello and the Sugarcanes, whip head and other life threatning problems. I have a couple of great tickets and back stage passes to Elvis Costello and the Sugarcanes at the Becon Theater on June 10th. I'm gonna try like hell to get to New York city for the show but it seems every time something comes up. We'll see if I can get there trouble free. If anyone knows of a Hotel close to the Theater drop me an email. If I spend more than a few days away from the Batcave I lose my super powers. I don't know what got into my wife but a month ago she went out and got these braids with extensions. So for the last month every time she rolled over I'd get whipped in the face with what felt like barbed wire. It took a month of complaining but last night she got them removed. It took almost 5 hours. But is has brought a level of safety back to my bed. I should heal up from the whipping in a week or so. Now for a plug for a friend of mine. If your looking to see some professional softcore artistic nudes visit my friends site Fotoartusa. It's all original work you have never seen before.  March 17, 2009 Blue coconuts, pink stars and rainbow colored nuts Well this week has been funny and sad. But the comic relief always outweighs anything that could go wrong. This week we have someone running around saying he built Chatro and he knows all my Codez. Apparently he is proficient at batch files (would be helpful a decade ago). He also spouts a bunch of things that would be useless with a system like Chatropolis. He likes to say he knows me. I'm glad it's so important but doing this for 15 years a lot of people know me and they don't brag about it. Wow I know this married guy with six cats that lives in Costa Rica. I'll add him to my rainbow colored nut list. Over the last 15 years only 2 people besides myself have even seen the source code for Chatro. One still works in that capacity for the last 8 years. We plan on keeping him for life. On the not so funny side I made contact with my Late friend John's mother Kitty. She didn't get a definitive autopsy from the Costa Rican Government. Just a box of ashes. It must be a very sad thing for a mother to outlive her first born. We talked about him for a while and decided to stay in touch. Back to the funny side my home phone must have been a Chinese restaurant at one time so I get orders every once in a while. This week I had a guy trying to place an order for 15 minutes. In my best Chinese Spanish I insisted he wanted 8 egg roll. Every time he asked for something I said 8 egg roll. He finally gave up and took the 8 egg roll with free coke. Then I hung up. He called back and said you don't have my address? I said "You 8 egg roll, I have address". "You want 8 more egg roll,send now". I think he must have been happy 16 eggrolls didn't show up. Last month I had a Gringo call up and ask for Myrna. I love these. I told him Myrna was in the shower. I could hear his brain boiling. Then he asked who I am. I said I was Myrna's special friend if ya know what I mean. Now steam must of been coming out of his ears. Then he demanded I put Myrna on the phone. I told him after our 3 hour romp she was having a little trouble walking but I could take a message. He screamed something like he was gonna kill me with a coconut and be right over. I asked him to bring more condoms and he hung up. Well that was my week. I hope yours was better.  March 12, 2009 My life is funny in a saddistic sorta way I'm sure everybody is familiar with J Wayne the daughter molester suing me. Last Month I won all 4 charges in a land slide. Then early this week I find out there is an appeal. I always thought you needed a good reason to make an appeal but this one will make you shit. The appeal is based on the fact that they didn't like the outcome. Nice I bet O.J. would like to pull that one off. I didn't like losing so I want an appeal. What a joke. Actually after I won I was gonna let it die and suck up my legal fees. But now I'm gonna want them back. I'm not a vindictive prick but if a grown man can't take losing and is gonna cost me another 2K for my lawyers he's gonna foot the bill on this loss. Besides the fact the Costa Rican OIJ (FBI) was there and gave me a pass and I have a half dozen witnesses I don't know what he thnks he's gonna get except another loss. Appeals lose 99.9999% of the time down here and when you have nothing but lies going for you I'd say it's a 100%. Plus Judges don't like being told "You don't like the decision". It will all be over soon. Today I was jumping around the chat world and as usual one of my fans had a problem. Apparently I now live in England. No offense but on my places to go or live England is pretty low. I'm a tropical kind a guy. Umbrella drinks, warm water. I think England would be a poor choice for me. Well unfortunately I have to go and get the names of witnesses that were offered 200 dollars to lie. Not something I'd like to do but since I'm in the position I'll go out get those. Maybe I'll get a beer.  March 11, 2009 What is it with me and doors? What is it with me and doors? We all remember the dreaded door killing I was fined 100 dollars for but now I just got the news someone else is suing me for some other door. Life is too fucking funny.  March 04, 2009 Iron Maiden Rocks Costa Rica and my Daughter Iron Maiden hit Costa Rica on their 3rd show in the new tour last night. Unfortunately the old man wasn't invited. I knew something was up yesterday when my daughter came to me and said she "Had something very important to talk about". This is code for Mom will say no so I'm bypassing the chain in command because you can't say no to anything I want. To my surprise my daughters boyfriend had bought tickets to the Maiden show and now was the task of getting permission to go. My daughter knows I can't say no to her so last night I waited up until she strolled in at 1 AM. I was surprised she knew all the old songs and knowledgeable enough about the band to be happy Bruce Dickenson was doing vocals. Well I ended up with little sleep and not even a fucking t-shirt but I guess that's what having a 15 year old girl is all about. To my amazement she bopped up at 5 AM waiting to go to school and brag to all her friends where she was last night.  March 03, 2009 Stories of Patrick John Slifer San Jose, Costa Rica Patrick John Slifer known as John to everyone because he hated his first name. Over the past yer I have been googling Patrick John Slifer,John Slifer,PJ Slifer Patric John Slifer Arkansas and just about anything to find out something about where he was. I was very saddened to find his Obituary in an Arkansas newspaper.I was sad but not shocked. John came to Costa Rica to make a quick buck and to do that you have to break a law somewhere and associate with some pretty bad people. John had a few wives and 5 sons and child support was racking up at about 5K per month. He only legitimately made an Army pension of a little over 1000 per month. The crazy thing was the state department put a hold on his passport because of the support and the only way he could get a passport was a single use back to the U.S. to be arrested. Not very appealing and it stoped him from getting a legitimate job or becoming a legal resident. I first me John at the Leprechauns house (Mike Paterson I was a SEAL cough bullshit). I bought a bottle of cranberry flavored Absolute. The bottle got some strange looks when I pulled it out so I said "Come on let's drink this fag juice and bond like a bunch of broads". John and I had very similar backgrounds so after about ten minutes The Leprechaun became invisible and we talked for about more like laughed for about 3 hours straight. We started meeting up in a restaurant once a week starting off with huge plates of calamari and drinks.Usually the night would end at Sunrise. After one of these marathons John swore he broke a rib and I lost my voice from laughing so hard. We had some really great times. I did get him out of the life he was leading and he stayed in my home for about a month. I resettled him in an apartment in Santa something or other and John quickly got back into it with the people I tried to get him away from. I am currently looking for his cause of death but at 39 it is doubtful it was natural. You might wonder why I keep using his name Patrick John Slifer San Jose Costa Rica. This is just so if someone in his family finds this they can contact me. He loved his family tremendously and always was talking about his 5 sons. I hope someone will contact me because I'd like some info. There are some things they should know that I won't write about. Patrick John Slifer born March 21, 1969 died June 1, 2008 U. S. Army SSGT He was awarded numerous honors, including two Army Commendation Medals, two Army Achievement Medals, four Army Good Conduct Awards, a National Defense Service Medal, two Noncommissioned Officer (NCO ) Professional development ribbons with numeral and three Overseas Service Ribbons. He was a parachutist, air assault and master fitness trainer. Anyone wishing to contact me can call Michael Ludwick 352-436-4185 Florida Number